• Akshita Rai Shrivastava

How I Learned to Make Decisions as An Anxious Person



I wanted to become a judge once, thankfully I couldn’t even get to my ideal law school. Otherwise, there would be a huge problem in courthouses. You see, I am not good at making decisions. So, I would have been terrible as a judge, but sometimes I feel like I am terrible as a human too because of my indecisive nature. I think being indecisive is one of the worst traits I have and it just leads to so many other problems.


Even after I have made a decision, chosen one out of two. I constantly worry if the other path would have been great. That is not even half of the issue, the real problem arrives when I have to decide between Yes and No. I have said “No” to ample opportunities and I am glad about declining most of them, but there are few that I regret. The same is with saying “Yes”, though I love most of the risks I have taken, I wish I would’ve let go of some.

My Current Dilemma


Why am I telling you all this? It is because I am facing a dilemma right now; I have an opportunity that could turn out to be great. There is a high probability of me profiting form the opportunity, but there is a chance that it might not happen. Even though I am fine with it not turning into a success, I am not fine with the process. Going for that opportunity means saying means missing out on things that I enjoy.


The Future or The Present?


I am not a believer of letting go of the present, only for the future. So, I decided to make a pros and cons list. The cons superseded the pros, but I still wasn’t convinced of my decision. I didn’t want to let go of the opportunity, but I am in no situation to offer the opportunity the level of commitment that is required to succeed. With all the facts in front of me, telling me to let go and make the right decision, I just couldn’t.


The only thing that was stopping me was the probability of something good in the future. Thinking about the future is never good for highly anxious soles like me, but I still did it. After crying and not being able to sleep, I realised that this is not worth it. I can’t let the future rule my decision and force me into doing something I’ll be miserable doing. This definitely goes against what the world believes in, which is sacrificing the today for a better tomorrow, though I no longer seem to make sense of it.

Why would I give up guaranteed happiness for a probability? It is not even like investing money, which is ideal, it is about spending your happiness into something that would probably bring more misery. I wanted to take risks, do something out of the box but it is not the failure that scares me, it is the process.

Make Your decision according to your values.


Ultimately, I am deciding to let the opportunity go because I will dread every moment of the process. I haven’t even started it and I hate the idea and an ideal result won’t change the fact that I hated doing it. I might even not see the future, that is not in my hand. The only thing I can do is make the right decision, in this case, it was pretty easy. Saying yes had plenty of cons, to begin with, the only pros being a success in the distant future, leaving which behind was scary.


Sometimes, the scary decision must be left behind for the sake of our own mental health. This is what I did and this is something I would suggest if like I said earlier ’you are scare of the process and not the results’. If a success, in the end, is all you care about and can make most out of the process. If not, then for all my indecisive brothers and sisters out there, YOU DON’T HAVE TO IT.


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