Updated: Apr 10, 2020
I am the best girlfriend.
At least that is what I thought until two days ago, no I didn’t have a life-changing experience but instead I had several; continue reading to find out. Firstly, let me clear it out that my assumption was not based on the fact that I am a narcissist who is unable to consider the possibility that I cannot excel at everything. In reality my believe was catered by the behaviour of people around me; specifically my ex boyfriends who can’t seem to get over me. I am not at all exaggerating but I have had several guys chasing me for up to three years from the day of our break up, this frenzied behaviour and comments of acquaintances usually referring to me as pleasant to be in a relationship were enough to make me brag about the conclusion mentioned above.
Settling on a belief because of the behaviour of people is not my predilection so I developed a list of arguments supporting my belief. So, the fact is that I don’t get jealous was the first accompanied by things like I am not clingy, I won’t call you unless it’s important, I don’t need to constantly know where you are, I never made any of them chose between their friends and me (as friends are the real deal you know) and there were many other stupid things that I considered ideal.
In theory, I can be referred to as an ideal girlfriend but in reality, I am the worst of them all. How did I realise this you may ask, by doing the things I love the most: reading and watching. My obsession with Netflix and Wattpad is what I meant by having several moments of realisation as I live several lives daily.
Enough about what I do and let’s get to the point i.e; what I learned. I realised that these characters aspects that I used to flaunt are just a result of my ignorant behaviour towards the guys I dated. Let me spell it out for you I was casual about everything when it comes to a relationship because maybe I never loved anyone or at least never loved anyone enough. Also, the so-called exemplary qualities that I possess were not the reason why they were hung up on me but they had genuine feelings, which were a result of moments and not traits.
I learned that Love happens over time: through shared experiences, stories and laughter. And there are always two different types of people in love; one person who loves more and get hurt and others who loveless and do the hurting. The one who loves more realises that the other person is not willing to give her 100% which results in him putting more effort than required and when you put that much effort to keep something with you it is really hard to let go, and there is nothing wrong with putting that extra effort just make sure you do it for the right people and not for assholes like me.
Also, I will try to put a little more effort if I ever get into a relationship and if you are like me I advise you to try and do the same. Don’t want you to change your personality but take baby steps like not getting into a relationship when you are not totally sure and stop making fun of your exes for loving you. Otherwise, you will never create a safe space for your partners to truly be themselves. If you can’t make your other half feel safe, you will never elicit the closeness it requires to be truly in love. Believe me: No great love stories ever started with two people skirting around the issue of commitment and casually waiting, just in case something better comes along.
P.s. – I used my story because I regret being a jerk and wish someone would’ve told me this years before. Also can’t promise to change into a loving person but will try to stay out of relationships until I can.
Thanks for reading 🙂