I have encountered many people in my life, who don’t seem to be satisfied with their relationships. I don’t mean only romantic relationships, but each form of relationship in their lives. Though the problems of some in their relationships were beyond terrible, many were just ruining each and every relationship themselves. Who am I to judge innocent people struggling with their friends and family? A person who learned by ruining every relationship in her life only to realise her self sabotaging behaviour. I am not judging those people, I am just trying to save them from themselves and if you fall in that category, hopefully, save you too. Let's learn things you should know about maintaining healthy relationships.
Relationships aren’t transactions
Most of the people who struggle with enjoying their relationship with others are the ones who see relationships as transactions. Like, when you do something for someone only with the intention of them doing the same thing for you. Relationships no matter how old or new should be treated as a bond between two people. Not a contract where you get something in return for our actions. Friends or family how much they adore you sometimes cannot match up to your commitment towards them and it is no reason to hold a grudge against them. So, give your friend an expensive birthday gift because you want to show them your love, not because you expect the same in return.
Expectations are harmful to Your Relationships
Might sound like an extension of the previous point, but it is not. Sometimes we want things or gestures from others because we did the same and sometimes we expect unreasonable things from people who love us. I remember this story by a woman, where she expected her boyfriend to have a grand proposal for her. Unfortunately, his boyfriend wanted it to be an intimate affair hence did it while they were watching a movie at their house. The woman accepted the proposal but resented him for the same every day until she realised how much he did for her for no reason. She realised it when her fiance met an accident months later from the proposal, he was safe at the end of the story. The thing is though, you can’t wait for your loved one to suffer to give up on hopeless expectations from them. You can do it today.
People aren’t Perfect and Nor are Relationships
People mess up, they make mistakes, they can hurt you but you if are choosing to let someone be a part of your life. Even after they have hurt you, you need to forgive them entirely which means letting go of all the grudges. If the mistake is unforgivable, then you have to throw that person from your life instead of watering a dead plant. If that is not the case, then:
Forgive them for not prioritising you above everything else in their life, don’t hold a grudge.
Forgive them for ghosting you because they were busy, don’t hold a grudge.
Forgive them for having different opinions than yours, don’t hold a grudge.
Forgive them for saying no to something you asked for, don’t hold a grudge.
Forgive them for hurting you unintentionally, when you know they mean well, don’t hold a grudge.
I can go on and on, but you get the point, right?
Instead of fearing and overthinking, try communicating, Honestly!
Communication is not the key, honest communication is. Relationships these days foster on more actions than words, but when there is a miscommunication, insecurity or a recurring thought. Words will come to your rescue. I have personally ruined plenty of relationships by not sharing what I felt, Just make it a point that if there is any occurrence in your relationship that makes you overthink, talk about it to your loved one. When I say talk about it, tell them exactly how you feel don’t try to mask your feelings.
I hope you learned or relearned something about fostering loving relationships in your life from my insights into mine. Before, you go and make a change in your relationship with people just remember that not every relationship is worth the effort. So, make sure that you invest your time in the right ones. I hope you bloom and so does all the relationships in your life.